Once upon a time, there was a peaceful kingdom in a hidden valley. The people there were untroubled by war or plague, and they did a steady business in agriculture, harvesting and combining ingredients for ranch dressing.

One day the land was attacked by a monster with a dinosaur’s body, a wolf’s head, and the voice of Ann Coulter. Each of the king’s sons fought against it and failed, for it was enchanted so that no sword could pierce its hide. Then a chubby princess killed it with a garden tool.