I tell myself to focus on me 

and realize that I am speaking to a stranger  

I am 19 years old, sitting in my bed, crying, 

when I first realize the extent of the damage 

For the first time in years, 

I am responsible for me 

 m e   a l o n e 

And although this should excite me, 

beads of sweat coat my skin 

Moments feel like hours  

                                             and 

I am not sure if I am breathing at all 

I tell myself if I can just finish a breath, 

it would prove that I can do this alone 

If I can just summon strength 

from the secluded part of my soul, 

just lift the saturated lung,  

letting it d 

r 

      i 

        p, 

drain of anything except air, 

begin to breathe 

Only then, 

will I be certain that I am here.  

I am alive. 

I will find me- 

eventually.  

Whether it takes days  

or months 

         or years 

or decades 

If I breathe, I am alive 

If I am alive, I still have time 

I feel my ribs poking my skin and, 

for once, 

I don’t look away 

Place my fingers in their d i v o t s and  

inhale 

feel pressure push, 

reach its peak 

exhale 

and feel a comfort I have missed 

I am breathing. 

And that is the first step to being okay.