did it hurt?
Taylor Meehan
yes it filled my throat with molten rock, hardening & re-melting with every rush of smoke to my head it itched like a tattoo eight days out, like a twice-ripped-open scab that’s finally learned how to hold on, it itched like recovery itches & it was deafening & suffocating but somehow I could still sing Shania & Florence knowing every word was true
it hurt like you did this you broke me & here you are, stranger, three feet away it hurt like give me another hit so i can stand to sit here next to you it hurt like what the fuck it hurt like i missed you it hurt like where have you been it hurt like you’re not the person i used to love like that
it hurt like except
you are
it hurt like it killed me (and then it didn’t) it hurt like you’re still the only thing that makes words pour out of me like ink from a needle it hurt like you cured my writer’s block, goddamn it it hurt like seeing your friend shake on the tattoo table it hurt like i want coffee but nothing is right it hurt like being drunk and regretting it it hurt like being hungover & lied to it hurt like broken promises it hurt like see you in three weeks (and then i didn’t)
Taylor Rose Meehan sneezed on her little brother when he was in the NICU and still hasn't lived it down after 15 years. She writes songs, poetry, and the occasional essay, usually with her cat determinedly laying across her notebook. Tay sometimes goes by the pen name "anxious burrito" and is studying creative writing, publishing & editing, and music technology at Susquehanna.
Issue 14
2020